w00t Bag of Crap

From: TOS15 Jun 2011 15:37
To: ALL1 of 1

Bag O’ Crap LXIV: Which Three Kings Be Stealing The Gold?
If you’re the guy who stole $6.6 billion in cash from the U.S. Army in Iraq, you’re probably running out of things to spend it on.
We know, it’s been eight years since three planeloads of hundred-dollar bills wandered out of the Green Zone. But not even the combined forces of MC Hammer and Lenny Dykstra could burn through that much money that fast.
Unless, of course, they’re wasting it on pointless garbage like this. The price of our humble Bag O’ Crap barely amounts to what you can scrape off of the inside of an empty pot of gold. But for sheer pointlessness, it’s up there with an ermine-lined swimming pool, or matching solid-gold Segways for everybody in your entourage.
Yeah, we can understand throwing a few bucks from your ill-gotten billions away on pure frivolity. What’s really crazy is how many people buy a BOC with money they’ve actually earned.
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.?
IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap just because things are different this time. Crap is crap.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.